You take Two Mile past Woodside Elementary School, past the corner I liked to safety patrol at, over the bridge by the island, past my piano teacher's house. When you get to the airport and can't go straight anymore, turn right. Keep driving, and you'll see Newman's Golf Course on your right. You won't be greeted by the high school girl behind the counter, but she'll hand you your club and a scorecard for your group. She'll take $3 for each of you, but she won't happily invite you to pick whatever color you want for your ball, and she won't remind you to take a tiny yellow pencil. She'll ignore your joke about blue balls. She knows what that means.
This course hasn't changed much in my memory; they've replaced the putting greens at each hole, but each hole's hazard seems exactly as antiquated as it was twenty years ago.
My family and I went after the baby shower about a month ago. We each wrapped up the game with at least one penalty, no one was injured, and V's water didn't break, so it was a wild success. They had gluten free cones at the soft serve station, and as many options for your dessert as a Dairy Queen.
Of all the great summer things to do in my hometown (and there are a surprising many!), a trip to Newman's is a requirement.
I don't know of any mini golf places near the east side. Do you?